• Budgeting Works!

    To gain financial freedom you must take control of your money, plan for the future and Stop Borrowing Money!
    Two families striving to gain financial freedom share their experiences.
    Blog Author Mona Weathers (monawea)


    Co-author, Manda C.

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    Manda C. is our new contributing author. Welcome Manda!

Relating With Money: Fight now to save your relationship later. It’s always time to budget.

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Our marriage has vastly improved in the past thirteen weeks. After the preview class, and then the first lesson, J and I, although buying in to this Dave Ramsey thing, were still rationalizing our debt. We were still thinking like poor people, and doing what poor people did. During the relating with money lesson, Dave tries to prepare you for the arguments and fights that will most certainly happen. Money is the number one reason for divorce. Everyone knows it. But no one believes it, and it is something that happens to others. I will avoid saying that it would be impossible to win with Financial Peace if both partners are not on board, but it would be nearly impossible. There are a lot of hard lessons learned, or more accurately, realized in this lesson- like separate banking accounts. His money, her money situations are not a marriage. My parents separate their money. J’s parents separate their money. I don’t know how prevalent it is, but as Dave says, it isn’t a joint venture. Two are one.

The thing that J and I learned is that both partners have to be actively involved in the financial part of a marriage. Dave hosts a TV show on the Fox financial channel. He’s dubbed Friday’s as Debt Free Friday’s. People who have completed their debt snowball call in and celebrate the achievement. Before hanging up, they get to yell “I’m Debt Free”. In the interview, the wife and/or husband always report that being on the same page is an integral part of succeeding and becoming debt free.

J and I have had to learn to relate to money. The true state of our financial indebtedness was revealed to me over the course of FPU, not just in any particular week. It had to come to a point where I demanded that we get the new checking account open, and that I see the physical or virtual copies of our bills. All were caught up, except 2. As far as I knew, they were all caught up. I can’t pretend to explain J’s motivations, I only know what he’s told me: that he wanted me to take over the bills with all them up to date. The lesson learned is that if all had been laid out on the table during week 2 in Relating with Money, I believe that we’d be farther along now. J removes his band-aid as slowly as possible. He hates conflict. I’m a rip it off and get it over with type, and I thrive on confrontation.

That’s just one of our differences. Dave explains the differences between men and women. Women need financial security, and I am no exception. Opposites attract and marriages typically contain a free spirit and a nerd. J is our free spirit, and I am the nerd. No doubt, our financial situation would be better had I been the Nerd I should have been. It was just too easy over the last two years to let Jason take the stress of the medical bills from our daughter, our diminished income due to my no longer being an active member of the work-force. I suspected all was not well, but that is where my involvement ended. With suspicion. And yet I dared to be angry with him, to blame him, when, if I’m being honest, I’m at just as much fault as he. Finances in a marriage is not a one person show. No matter who “earns the money”. Both should know what is coming in, and every dollar that leaves should be accounted for. It is always time to budget, no matter how inconvenient it is. Both must be bothered. Both most be active and to get on the same page in order to acheive FPU. Thirteen weeks ago, J and I weren’t even in the same book.

J and I missed our final class (and church) because our Dave car wouldn’t turn over. We discovered it had an alarm, but not how to turn it off. We had to disconnect the battery in order to keep the neighbors from mobbing our house. The air conditioning went out in J’s truck, so we decided to stay at home today instead of subjecting the girls to today’s heat. I was disappointed to have missed today in order to celebrate our class. A few of us attacked our debt with Gazelle intensity. The class has been life changing for J and myself. I hope that in a year, maybe 2, we’ll be calling Dave one Friday (if I gather the nerve) to scream “We’re debt free”.

~Manda

September 14, 2008 | Filed Under Budgeting, Financial Freedom Journey Pep Talk, Financial Goals, Financial Peace Baby Steps, Financial Peace University, Financial Planning 

2 Responses to “Relating With Money: Fight now to save your relationship later. It’s always time to budget.”

  1. Mona on September 14th, 2008

    Manda,
    Thanks for sharing. My husband and where in a similar situation as yours when we first started FPU. Things changed very quickly for us though. Together we started seeing the error of our ways and began to change.
    Not until we where on the same page did things start to turn around for us.
    It’s very important to be on the same page.

    You guys are doing great!

  2. clare on November 8th, 2008

    With the economy in crisis and prices going up right left and centre saving money is vital to our survival. excellent blog :)

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