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Avoiding sabatage. Nerds and free-spirits need to work together to acheive financial peace

J and I are prime reasons while people should receive some kind of marital counseling before getting married, just to discuss communication. It’s become how utterly clueless I have been about financial responsibility. It is something that should be taught in schools, in college there should be classes dedicated to it, and before applying for a marriage license, or cohabitating, two people should discuss the specifics of finances. I know I write so often about relating in relationships and money, but if anyone is like we are, it’s a pretty big part of the problem. With the number of divorces that fail in the United States, and with most of those claiming fights about money as a leading culprit, I don’t think I’m alone.

Getting to square one has been extremely painful for us. But here we are, getting closer to the same page. Our new checking account is open. We’ve split the bills. He takes care of the mortgage and our car insurance. I take care of everything else. I can see that we’re starting to slip a little bit on our budget because it’s more simple to use the debit card instead of cash. So, once we tighten up and start using the envelope system how it is to be used, we’ll be back on track.

I called today to pay the cable bill, and J had paid it already. He failed to tell me. We’re still not on the same page. His reason was he doesn’t like e-bills. E-bills is how I pay the bills. He conceded that I was, once again, making sense. I explained that if we had paid the bill twice, our closely planned budget would be out the window. We’re working- for the third time- on building our emergency fund. The bills are finally caught up. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t help but wonder if there is a bit of subconscious sabotage. Yes, this is hard. Absolutely, but I’m ready to tighten up and keep walking straight instead of throwing my hands up in a show of futility. There is a goal. It’s a couple of years off, but there is a goal.

So, obviously, we still have some relating to do. J and I don’t closely fit into the “nerd” and “free-spirit” descriptors of Dave’s, but if we had to choose, I’d be the nerd, and he the free-spirit. Last January, I started praying for guidance for help with the financial mess that we were in due to the medical bills of our deceased daughter. God, I honestly believe, led us to Financial Peace. Our marriage was on the state of collapse, and the stress that my husband must have been under trying to keep up the facade must have been excruciating. He admits that he sleeps better, and there are fewer fights, fewer accusations, and more accountability for both us. As a task-masker, attention to detail, hyper-organized personality, I’m the obvious choice to pay our bills. So, I will continue to pray for us, and I always try to remember to give Praise that we are no longer in the state of downward spiraling denial that we once lavished in. Our eyes have been open, and it ain’t such a pretty picture.

September 25, 2008 | Filed Under Financial Freedom Journey Pep Talk, Just Whatever 

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