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Blog Author Mona Weathers (monawea)

Co-author, Manda C.
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For the holidays, make memories not meals

Ada and Aleah- 2006

I gave birth to twins in May 2006. Nine months later, one of them died to complications that she had from being premature. They were born 10 weeks early and suffered a rare twin complication called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Her name is Aleah (I love you baby doll), and although her time with me was too short, I am very thankful for the memories of her, thankful I had her home for the holidays. She came home the day before Halloween and died one week to the day after Valentine’s day. I got to spend all the major ones with her, and in that time, I learned that the holidays are not about the meals, but the memories.

When I first got married, I was motivated to give my family (which was my husband, my parents, and my in-laws) the perfect holiday. To me, that was as close to as I could gook gourmet meal, eaten on the battenburg lace table cloth that I’d put on my wedding registry, with ironed and immaculately folded napkins, a perfectly set table with all the silverware in its appropriate place. Fortunately, I knew how to do this stuff because I went to private school for high school in Alabama, and an all girls private college. I actually learned this stuff in high school and college. I can eat with the right fork. I know how to pass dishes, fold napkins, etc. etc. I have memories from those holiday: stress and disappointment. It’s just a meal. Period. We Americans (and a few other cultures) are obsessed with eating and the holidays. Pick any of the major holiday, and I bet your mouth begins to salivate in some sort of Pavlov response. But it isn’t about those meals. It’s about the memories.

Having had watched Aleah in the hospital for the first 6 months of her life, I learned not to sweat the small stuff and never to take anything for granted. Our Thanksgiving meal came precooked, and our Christmas wasn’t much better because I was downstairs holding my baby, and watching her 7 month old twin roll around on the floor looking at the Christmas tree. At about 3 pm, my stomach started to growl and I realized that nothing had been cooked. My parents, who are from Alabama, soaked in the baby love that they had only had behind NICU isolettes. Holidays are still a little hard for me, but not so much so that I’m trying to fill the void in my life with food and material things. I take the time to be thankful for my three beautiful daughters,and to never take one single moment for granted. This will be W’s only 1st Christmas, and the first Christmas that A will comprehend the Santa thing. Those things have nothing to do with a meal that they could eat any day of the year. There isn’t a single thing I’d change about that Christmas. It was perfect, and I’m forever grateful that I had the forethought to spending it making memories, not a meal.

In preparing for the Holiday season that is quickly approaching, before spending an entires month’s food budget at the store to spend 2 days cooking a meal that will take 5, maybe 1o minutes to eat, take a step back and rethink your family’s tradition. I’m not advocating throwing it all out the window, just to practice some moderation. The totally irrational part about American’s is that we have a rehearsal Christmas dinner that we call Thanksgiving. We cook one great big meal and then turn around and cook it again a month later. Sure we might have ham instead of turkey, perhaps potato salad instead of mashed, but fundamentally, it’s all the same! As it turns out, some people spend one holiday with one “side” of the family, and the next with the other “side”. Can’t let either gramma miss out on the great meal she had at someone else’s house just a few weeks ago. It’ll still be Christmas if you don’t break the bank buying food. It’ll still be Thanksgiving if you spend less than 10 hours cooking. We’re going to celebrating both holidays with meal’s in the Manda house this year. I want my kids to have special meals, just like every parent wants for their child, but I think they’d be much better served by a mother who is not overwhelmed in trying to make everything perfect, and who is spending time with them, and not the oven. For Christmas, I’m not doing it all over again. We’re going to have a Christmas Brunch, and I’m going to get a honey baked ham, bread, and some veggies, and do a cheese fondue for the hubby so he can munch all day long.

Moderation is not limited to only the meals we eat. Make it your holiday theme. Don’t spend what you can’t afford. Don’t spend the first three months of 2009 threading water financially- waiting for your tax refund so you can recoup from the holidays. The holidays shouldn’t be about going into debt. For the holidays, make memories, not bills.

~Manda

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One Response to “For the holidays, make memories not meals”

Mona on November 18th, 2008

Thank you Manda for sharing your story. I think we often for get the real meaning of what the holidays are really there for. To thank God for what He has given us, to love our families as well as our neighbors, friends and the unloved and forgotten. Life is so much more fulfilling we live it the way God intended.
Thanks for the reminder!

p.s. I will still be cooking the big Thanksgiving dinner but will focus more on creating memories and not just a good meal ;o)

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