We have two choices, we can let these difficult times teach us perseverance and character or we can let it break us. Our family has decided to let these time shape us in a positive way.  We want to be shaped into people of character by realizing what is important in life.

These times can teach us what is important to us. Our material things can define who we are but the lack of them can shape who we are. When all is said and done and we are left with our lives to look back on, how do we want to be remembered? Do we want to be remembered for all the “stuff” we had or do we want to be remembered for the love we had for others? I choose the latter.

A reminder to myself:

Love your life because God gave it to you. Love your family because God placed you together. Love your curcumstance, whether good or bad, because God knows what’s best for you. Trials can shape you into who He wants you to be.  Don’t fight it, embrace it.

Definition of resolution: A resolution is a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

Definition of goal:The purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective

I think may of us set a new year resolution for ourselves without setting goals that will help us make changes. Without setting goals our resolutions are meaningless. You might as well not make resolutions if you don’t plan on setting goals as well. The best goals to set are small ones. For some of us we need to make each goal very small.

If your goal is to start your journey toward financial freedom I encourage you to set yourself some goals. If you are struggling with managing your money then maybe your first goal should be to find out how you are spending your money.  Or if you are struggling with spending too much maybe your goal should be to set a budget for yourself that will work for you (Dave Ramsey’s budgets are really easy to follow).

The year of 2009 could be the year that changes your life direction if you set resolutions that have goals attached to them. I for one will be making resolutions but will be focusing more on how I will fulfill my resolutions by setting small goals that will lead to success.

I wish you a Happy Successful New Year!

~Mona

I did really good before Christmas.  I resisted overspending before Christmas to undo some of the damage on the after Christmas sales.  Listen to me rationalize again… it’ll save me money next year when I don’t feel the compulsion to by Christmas ornaments.  In the end, I didn’t blow that much money, but I hate it I hadn’t planned to blow some money.

We’re going to go through FPU again starting in January.  We’re going to play close attention to the insurance and annuities portion of the classes, and hopefully gain some more gazelle intensity.  Looking back over last years resolutions, we’re lightyears ahead of where we were then, or even 6 months ago when I was thinking of leaving J because I couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m such a perfectionist that I’m going to cut myself a break.  My resolutions next year will be to spend cash, spend cash, spend cash.  We need to plan for this because getting to the ATM is something we don’t do if we don’t make the time.  Some of my [over spending] over the last 2 days was in cash, but when I ran out, I whipped out the plastic. Ca Ching.

Here’s fishing you Financial Peace in 2009.

My grandmother died on the 2nd of this month.  She was a child of the Great Depression.  She grew learning to live with nothing.  She never had a credit card, but did do the old Southern thing of extending credit at stores.  She had credit for gas, for groceries, for her furniture, as was the way of life in small towns.  When going through her papers after she died, I did find a credit rejection from Ford Motor Company when she was co-signing a loan for a cousin that was taking advantage of her unwillingness to say no.  My grandparents had been living on nothing but my grandfathers social insecurity for years.  I imagine that the rejection was devastating and embarrassing for her.  She was raised in a very different financial age when people just didn’t borrow huge sums of money and commit to 5 years of repayment.  Perhaps she kept that rejection letter for a reminder. She died with nothing.  She sold her house years ago and spent it on nothing, and the aforementioned cousin all too willing to take advantage of her.  To my knowledge, I don’t think she ever had a savings account.

I’ve been turned down for credit plenty of times.  It’s no big deal to me.  I can do it in the privacy of my own home, taking off the sting.  Growing up, my mother bought everything on credit cards- groceries included.  More than a couple of times we were standing in the check-out line in Wal-Mart with enough groceries to keep four teenagers fed for a week, and the credit card was denied.  I was humiliated as we had to walk out of the store, everyone staring at our abandoned carts.  From that I learned not to rely on credit cards.  I use debit cards, and the few times my card has been rejected, it’s often been due to bank errors -satellites down, or what ever reason.  Once I was in the drive through for Starbucks and my card was rejected, and I was mortified.  It was probably my first clue that all was not well with our financial picture.  But sweet J was stupidly trying to create a financial picture to make me happy.  I have to confess that I was drinking STBX once, sometimes twice a week, and buying milk for me then 1 year old on top of it.  I was easily spending $75 a week at STBX.  I don’t even want to do the math.  I’ve matured so much financially in that one year, actually since starting Financial Peace in June.  Now when I crave STBX I do Dave math in my head.

When my grandmother died, I didn’t have to worry about where we were going to get the money to travel 900 miles to Alabama.  I had my emergency fund, but I also had my blow fund.  This is where I put J’s tip money.  We still weren’t able to afford to fly down, and had to live for 4 days traveling in our car, but now we don’t have to chose which bills won’t get paid next month.  This is on top of additional Christmas spending, which has been more excessive than I’d like to admit, but I am learning.  I’m being an example to my children.  I’m teaching them the use money wisely, to save for emergencies, not to be reliant on credit cards, and never need to be humiliated or embarrassed because of their financial situation.  I am living- learning- and teaching.  Financial Peace.

Why oh why do I fall away from what I know works? It doesn’t require copious amounts of energy. But what’s comfortable, or “the way I’ve always done it” is hard to let go of, even if it is making us miserable. I know, it doesn’t make an ounce of sense. Before Financial Peace, I was not so blissfully ignorant of how better my financial life could be. I assumed it would be hard to be responsible. The truth is that it is in fact so simple that my ignorance is hard to swallow when I must confess to irresponsible financial behavior. Less stress is the result when you have an accurate and truthful screen capture of your financial life. It is hard to let go of the bad financial habits. We are absolutely light years of where we were when our minister first said the words “Financial Peace” in a sermon last January. Now at least I know better and have a little disappointment- even shame- when I don’t name every single one of the dollars in our income and outgo. I know now that I can blow all my hard work in one shopping trip, and that shopping trip might make the difference in how long it takes us to break free from Financial Peace. Dollars that are being frittered away because of poor planning aren’t going to pay down off our dept.

I hate balancing the checkbook. I hate paying bills (if you do like it, you’re weird). I spend more energy dreading doing the tasks than it requires to do them, and since starting Financial Peace, it’s never as bad as I feared. I’ve been conditioned to think the worse. But the truth is that the lessons really are sinking in, and one day of less than perfect (not necessarily bad) choices doesn’t throw it all away. I’ve just got to break the budget forms out again and sit down and have our budget committee meetings. We need a Financial Peace Check-up. It’s been our 3 months (actually a little less )or 30k miles.

There are a number of ways to get back on track. The easiest for me is to go to Dave’s website and do some reading. Today I read of How to Become a Stress-Free Shopper. There’s nothing new learned because the steps to Financial Peace are consistent and Biblically based. It isn’t a gimic, or membership dues. In fact, it is possible to take Dave’s advice for free. Check the books out from the library, download the budgeting forms for free. His radio shows and TV show is also free. The FPU course is reasonable, and it’s a lifetime membership. It’s necessary for hard heads like me to have accountability. I can’t begin to quantify the stress that we’ve let go of since making the commitment to start the program. I’m grateful that now, with Dave’s help, I have the common sense to know when I’m making bad decisions and can be responsible and accountable to my self. I have the fundamentals that are important to our financial plan, and must be in place in order for us to obtain Financial Peace. How long it takes us to get there is dependent on how well we stick to our plan.

~Manda

17 He who loves pleasure will become poor;
whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich.

This verse in Proverbs doesn’t expressly explain will those who love rich will become poor, but it can be studied and applied to several scenarios. In the context of Financial Peace, I believe that we can safely infer that someone who spends all his money on things that gratify him will not obtain Financial Peace. Dave says over and over that a mature adult delays gratification, children do what feel good. We’re a country of poor people because we love pleasure. We see it, we want it, we get it. So what if we can’t afford it.

Our very economy is based on borrowing. Debt is our National Product. What would happen to our economy if everyone quit loving pleasure, and bought things that they could afford with cash. According to the book of Proverbs, we would be a rich nation. Driving home tonight I heard on WTOP News (although I can’t find a link to it and couldn’t write it down), that the ultimate cost of this bailout will be more than all previous major government purchases and bailouts (Lousianna Purchase, New Deal.. etc) combined, even factoring in inflation. Yowzaa. The bailout is to keep stimulating our economy, so that… we can continue to borrow. So that we the Government can continue to be our master. Debt indentures you to your creditor.

Proverbs 22: 7b

and the borrower is servant to the lender.

When does the Government run out of money?

To continue the Proverbs lesson:

Proverbs 11:5
He who puts up security for another will surely suffer,
but whoever refuses to strike hands in pledge is safe.

Proverbs 17:18
A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up security for his neighbor.

Proverbs 22:26-27
26 Do not be a man who strikes hands in pledge
or puts up security for debts;
27 if you lack the means to pay,
your very bed will be snatched from under you.

Security in today’s context is credit. In Financial Peace, Dave gives the generational evolution of how credit in the country. Henry Ford gave no credit in his lifetime, but now the auto industry is now holding out its hand. Our economy is broken beyond repair. Those who have given credit will suffer Proverbs said. The government has designated industries that “can’t fail”. They can’t fail, to complete the cycle, because the Government needs to keep the country in a state of servitude.

The truth is that the country can survive without debt, because it has. Only in the last 2 generations has the country become reliant on credit. Our grandparents thought debt was stupid. Our great grandparents were embarrassed and ashamed of debt. Our country now relies on it, to the point that we borrow from the citizens in order to pay the industries so that the citizens can borrow {?!?}. We freak out when we can’t gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today (apologies to Wimpy). Perhaps not in our lifetime, but even perhaps during our lifetime, these “can’t fail” industries can fail, or in the vary least must be reformed into an industry that we no longer recognize. We should work diligently to break free from their indenture and obtain Financial Peace and the Freedom that comes with it.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I’m thankful that God led me to Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace, and I’m happy that I can live as an example (of not only what to do right, but the struggle, and what can go wrong), and that hopefully, one day, I’ll no longer be indentured to my debtors and I can work in order to help those willing to rip up their contracts, and break free.

~Manda

Dave says the same thing when he gives the advice to live your wage. J and I have worked over the last 5 months to create a financial truth. We’ve let go of the things we couldn’t afford. Some days I do miss my van, and I know he misses his truck, but, honestly, they were not ours. We let go of that lie, and created a financial truth. Instead of being behind in our utilities and juggling which to pay. Our utilities weren’t getting paid because we were spending money we didn’t have. We’re fortunate to not have credit card debt. We’re fortunate enough not to have a house that we can’t afford. We still have some decisions to make. My student loans are monstrous. Do I go back to work, or stay at home with my babies. With Dave’s help, we’ve let go of the lie and are living a financial truth. We have that truth to be able to make informed decisions. We’ll be able to consider the cost benefit. Only time will tell which way we’ll go, but as Dave says, prayer does work, and we’ll rely on it to assist us in making decisions. This is a stark contrast to the lies we were trying to perpetrate. It’s less stressful, and more peaceful.

J uses money to show affection. I use it as a form of therapy. We’re a recipe for disaster, if you’ll pardon the cliche. Once you’ve come to rely on money- ie debt, it’s hard to change those behaviors, because, fundamentally, you have to change YOU. I keep forward thinking in 2 years when we’ll be debt free except the house. My hunch is that we’ll have less stress, and less need to use money to show affection, and not need therapy! We’ll be able to focus on our marriage, our grieving, and our healing instead of spiraling debt. Now that I have an idea of what life could be like, I start to want that for others I care about. It’s so wonderful, I want everyone to have it. I feel the same way about following Christ. I would love nothing more for everyone I love to follow Christ, but it just isn’t something you can force on people. I can however, live my life in order to open up the doors for conversations. God and Christ have given me such a peace with the death of my child. To Them I give all the glory for those who wish or need such a peace.

The changes in my financial life are due to Financial Peace, which is based on the Biblical teachings of finances. Why our churches, for the most part, choose not to address the financial live of their members, I don’t know. Perhaps they think it too intrusive to talk about finances. It’s uncomfortable to talk about, and might even lead to people leaving a church, however, I don’t think this is an adequate excuse. Rarely is the right thing to say the easy thing to say. We’ve becomes consumers of Christianity in the US. We want to go to church, sit for an hour, feel good when we come out and not think again about our Spiritual lives again until next Sunday morning. Financial Peace is a component of Spirituality. Churches should be teaching it, to discourage their members from debt, and to encourage them to have faith in God concerning their titheing and charitable donations. The Bible tells us that God wants our First Fruits. That’s off the top folks. He gets our best, not what’s left over. Not what we can scrounge out of the bottom of our purses before the offering plate is passed around. It should be deliberate. This is why charitable contributions are at the top of Dave’s budgeting forms. Even as a Christian, I am tempted to give less, and months I give in to that temptation, I can tell the difference in my life. Hands that are open to give are also open to receive. Honestly, J and I aren’t at the 10% we’d like to be at for our charitable donations. We are at 5%, however, it feels really good to be able to know that there is a set aside amount in our budget to give away. This month, our donation went to The Compassionate Friends, a non-profit organization for grieving parents. Next month, it’ll be for the Ronald McDonald House, where we lived for months when our daughter was in intensive care. Such organizations do not survive without charitable donations.

I grew up in the church, and don’t remember a single sermon on money. The Bible is packed full on financial teachings and ways to succeed financially. If you are a Christian, why not take a look at them? Dave says that after reading the book of Proverbs, you’re almost read for a degree in finances. It is indeed a great book. I’m on my 3rd reading of it. It’s 31 chapters, making it perfect for once a month readings. With the economy in shambles, I think more churches might take on teaching finances from the Biblical perspective. I’m fortunate to have been led to a church who does teach finances. I’ve been thinking about starting an FPU in the community outside the safety of the walls of my church.

For those who aren’t Christians, it doesn’t mean that you can- or shouldn’t – take the common sense approach to finances. You can- and should give regularly. You should run from debt. I haven’t read it, but I believe that Dave’s Total Money Makeover is less focused on the spiritual and more on the common sense. Regardless, it takes stick-to-it-ness. Recognizing and changing behaviors. Small victories win the war.

I gave birth to twins in May 2006. Nine months later, one of them died to complications that she had from being premature. They were born 10 weeks early and suffered a rare twin complication called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Her name is Aleah (I love you baby doll), and although her time with me was too short, I am very thankful for the memories of her, thankful I had her home for the holidays. She came home the day before Halloween and died one week to the day after Valentine’s day. I got to spend all the major ones with her, and in that time, I learned that the holidays are not about the meals, but the memories.

When I first got married, I was motivated to give my family (which was my husband, my parents, and my in-laws) the perfect holiday. To me, that was as close to as I could gook gourmet meal, eaten on the battenburg lace table cloth that I’d put on my wedding registry, with ironed and immaculately folded napkins, a perfectly set table with all the silverware in its appropriate place. Fortunately, I knew how to do this stuff because I went to private school for high school in Alabama, and an all girls private college. I actually learned this stuff in high school and college. I can eat with the right fork. I know how to pass dishes, fold napkins, etc. etc. I have memories from those holiday: stress and disappointment. It’s just a meal. Period. We Americans (and a few other cultures) are obsessed with eating and the holidays. Pick any of the major holiday, and I bet your mouth begins to salivate in some sort of Pavlov response. But it isn’t about those meals. It’s about the memories.

Having had watched Aleah in the hospital for the first 6 months of her life, I learned not to sweat the small stuff and never to take anything for granted. Our Thanksgiving meal came precooked, and our Christmas wasn’t much better because I was downstairs holding my baby, and watching her 7 month old twin roll around on the floor looking at the Christmas tree. At about 3 pm, my stomach started to growl and I realized that nothing had been cooked. My parents, who are from Alabama, soaked in the baby love that they had only had behind NICU isolettes. Holidays are still a little hard for me, but not so much so that I’m trying to fill the void in my life with food and material things. I take the time to be thankful for my three beautiful daughters,and to never take one single moment for granted. This will be W’s only 1st Christmas, and the first Christmas that A will comprehend the Santa thing. Those things have nothing to do with a meal that they could eat any day of the year. There isn’t a single thing I’d change about that Christmas. It was perfect, and I’m forever grateful that I had the forethought to spending it making memories, not a meal.

In preparing for the Holiday season that is quickly approaching, before spending an entires month’s food budget at the store to spend 2 days cooking a meal that will take 5, maybe 1o minutes to eat, take a step back and rethink your family’s tradition. I’m not advocating throwing it all out the window, just to practice some moderation. The totally irrational part about American’s is that we have a rehearsal Christmas dinner that we call Thanksgiving. We cook one great big meal and then turn around and cook it again a month later. Sure we might have ham instead of turkey, perhaps potato salad instead of mashed, but fundamentally, it’s all the same! As it turns out, some people spend one holiday with one “side” of the family, and the next with the other “side”. Can’t let either gramma miss out on the great meal she had at someone else’s house just a few weeks ago. It’ll still be Christmas if you don’t break the bank buying food. It’ll still be Thanksgiving if you spend less than 10 hours cooking. We’re going to celebrating both holidays with meal’s in the Manda house this year. I want my kids to have special meals, just like every parent wants for their child, but I think they’d be much better served by a mother who is not overwhelmed in trying to make everything perfect, and who is spending time with them, and not the oven. For Christmas, I’m not doing it all over again. We’re going to have a Christmas Brunch, and I’m going to get a honey baked ham, bread, and some veggies, and do a cheese fondue for the hubby so he can munch all day long.

Moderation is not limited to only the meals we eat. Make it your holiday theme. Don’t spend what you can’t afford. Don’t spend the first three months of 2009 threading water financially- waiting for your tax refund so you can recoup from the holidays. The holidays shouldn’t be about going into debt. For the holidays, make memories, not bills.

~Manda

When we first started FPU, we talked briefly about selling our van, and then made excuses, plans, about how we could keep it. We still believed the great American myth that “everyone NEEDS a car payment”. We didn’t totally accept this as a lie until another couple in our FPU class sold their Lexus. Reading about Financial Peace, and being a first hand witness to Financial Peace are two different things. This is one of the reasons I suggest that even if you believe that you can’t afford the $93 to take FPU, that you sell something and get involved. There’s no promise that you’ll have the same source of motivation, but the class will be filled with people, just like you, from whom you can garner support. It’s hard doing it alone. The doing isn’t so hard. Maintaining focus and motivation is what’s hard, for me, especially after the first few weeks when you plateau.

We are wonderfully made social people by God. Yes, Financial Peace has a religious component to it without shoving religion down your throat. Even if you aren’t religious, the Bible contains smart common sense about money. Proverbs alone contains mountains of financial advice, particularly about not being a surety (cosigner of a loan). Proverbs 11:15 says that “One who hates being surety is secure”. Being at stay at home mom, I have plenty of time to watch Judge shows on TV, granted my 2 year old doesn’t have other plans. Most, if not all of these “small claims” concern defaulted loans. Don’t loan out money. If you are in the position to be giving out money, give it. Do a good deed without expecting anything in return. If you can’t give out the money without taking out credit, or being a surety, don’t. If asked why, tell them that God tells you that being a surety isn’t a good idea. Dave uses a verse in Proverbs (22:7) to illustrate the relationship once money is lent… “the borrower is servant to the lender”. Think it’s silly, have you ever owed anyone money? Has anyone ever borrowed money from you? It puts a strain on the relationship. At our onset of FPU, our van was nearly repoed. My MIL got a loan to keep the van out of repossession. We could have kept the van and made payments to her, but I did not want to be her slave. We sold it and got out from underneath the remaining debt as quickly as we could.

Financial Peace University gives you a syllabus of finances in the Bible. God doesn’t want you to be in debt. Why? Because it creates stress. Someone that I look to as a mentor is going through a very tough time in her marriage right now. It’s been hard for me because it has been reflective of my own past problems. There are a lot of differences between the two, but the primary is that she and her husband don’t have the debt adding the extra dimension of stress to her marriage. She’s able to focus of God and her husband and her family in order to heal. Financial Peace University gives you partners that- whether intentional or not- whether they know it or not- encourage you, to “comfort and edify each other” as 1 Thessalonians 5:11 offers.

I’ve written a couple of times about the couple on FPU group that attacked their debt with gazelle intensity. This is the same couple that we modeled our behavior after they sold their vehicle. I could see the physical difference in them just in the freedom from that debt, and it motivated me to do the same. I’m happy to write that last weekend, they became debt free. They’re going to try to call the Dave Ramsey show tomorrow and scream that “They’re debt free”, so listen out for them. If there is a local FPU meeting in your area, go, get role models and peers in the same situation as you, with the same motivation as you, and the same goal as you. If you don’t find someone with which you can compare, perhaps you can serve as the good example in your class. There are too many reasons to go to FPU, I can’t even begin to enumerate them here. But, I hope that my successful experience is just one of the reasons to go. I couldn’t have done it without the 14 weeks of accountability we received at FPU.

~Manda